Labor of Love

Catholic Dads HQ - On your side: The important role of today's Catholic dads cannot be overstated, when it comes to their responsibility for the temporal and spiritual well being of their children.

While Labor Day has been traditionally focused on the contributions made by workers to the well-being of our country, we cannot overlook the concurrent importance of a dad's "labor of love" for his children.

The cumulative contribution of modern day fathers to their children's lives is well documented in current literature and social services: "Fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home...Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring."   And, that importance is brought to life in popular media and underscored in our outreach. Catholic Dads HQ is committed this Labor Day and everyday to the proactive and effective involvement of Catholic dads in their children's lives.

This Labor Day, reflect on your "labor of love" and what new meaning it can have for you and your children.

Teaching a four and six year old about (dignity and miracle of) life

Each day parents are faced with issues of our time related to education, the economy, changing social norms and then the big one, dignity of life.  As parents it is important to take life’s challenges, show confidence in our Lord (John 16:33) and put issues in “digestible” terms for our children.

Around the dinner table, my daughters and I really, really enjoy a meal with white rice.  Recently, as we sat chatting about the day’s events, I recalled news in my mind on the right to life issue.  In a flash of inspiration, I picked-up a single grain and directed the conversation to how “Magnificent you are to me and how much I love you.” Each of my daughters’ eyes widened to hear my enthusiasm.  From there I proceed to reflect for them, “How magnificent is God our Father and what a miracle it is to be created by Him from something smaller than this grain of rice.”  By this point, I had the full attention of my girls as I held a single grain up with an out stretched hand and proceeded to point, “God is so wonderful, He made you, and you and me”.

“Really, Papa?” my oldest questioned.  “Yes.” I responded.  I continued, “And, then from there you became the size of the nail on your little pinkie.”  I pointed to each one’s little finger with the precision and gentleness as if to poke the Pillsbury dough boy in the tummy and then proceeded to shake my youngest daughter’s little finger with vigor, resulting in giggles all the way around.  From there, I persisted as their little faces reflected with amazement what their minds began to conceptualize and marvel at in the comparison of their current size with that little grain of white rice; which lead to some discussion on who they will become, “Someday, as big as me!”

“Wow!” exclaimed my oldest, jumping up to her little feet, as if to make herself stretch a little taller at this “teaching moment” to get there a little faster.

The dinner conversation was now theirs.  “Papa, were we smaller than that?” my oldest pointed to a stray half-grain of rice. “Yep…” I said confidently.  Then my youngest, grasping her own little finger, “Was I smaller than that?”  “Yep…” I said nodding my head again with a smile, “Can you believe it?”

That brief period of time over dinner, for me set the foundation for my daughters to grasp just how miraculous they are, and how their very existence fills me with great pleasure and love. From a tiny grain of rice is born the idea (albeit not fully formed for some years to come) that something so small (and smaller) can become so big and wonderful.  I am sure there will be many dinners that will challenge me to find creative ways to infuse the ideas of dignity and value packaged in such small miracles.  And, so will continue the education on the dignity and miracle of life.

The Miracle of Life - "The “Miracle of Life” shows us how amazing and wonderful the gift of “Life” is that God has blessed us with. Through incredible ultrasound video and photos we can actually see this miracle as we watch a baby develop in the womb. This video will make a great...illustration when you are preaching on the topics of abortion and sanctity of life" (Hyper Pixels Media).

What's Important

This last Monday, my youngest daughter, who is three made her way up to the stage with the other “Lambs” to receive her Dove pin, signifying her advancing to kindergarten.  Mildly sheepish, she stood there with her friends as they all tried to take in the applause, flash from cameras, music and then ushering off of the teachers like mama cats herding their young to meet once again their adoring parents, grandparents and friends.

It is now Thursday at 1:30 a.m. and the dryer is finished.  In the load of laundry is my other daughter's (who is the oldest and is six) blue checkered uniform skirt, maroon knee-high socks, white short-sleeve standard issue shirt, with school emblem and maroon sweater now washed and dried for “school dress day” later this morning for her participation in her advancing to the first grade celebration.  I’m up at this early hour because my oldest said yesterday after dinner, “Papa, I can’t wear my jumper anymore.  I’m a big girl now and I want to use my skirt (I’m not even sure that’s the special name for it, but it looks like a skirt to me)…My teacher said, we need to be extra clean tomorrow because we’re going to the first grade.”  Taking her little face in both hands, I told her how much I am proud of her, now that she is such a big girl and so smart she is ready for the first grade (Of course I held back the tears of pride and joy of her accomplishment).

But, am I ready for the first grade?  Am I ready to do kindergarten with my youngest? This last year with all of the personal stresses in the backdrop,there was “homework”, school activities, countless and beautiful handmade crafts, paintings, stories of friends on the playground, snacks, lunches to pack, preferences to learn, countless alphabet songs, “eye-spy” drives to school, challenges to read numbers on signs in the produce section at the market and then, the real tearjerker, my oldest getting too big to sit in the little car at the market with her little sister (Damn, I so loved the two of them sitting side by side pretending to race down the aisle, making driving and screeching sounds around corners as fast as I could push the cart without drawing too much attention)!

Each of my daughters exclaims in her own way that simple statement of an emerging identity and I am concurrently proud as can be and saddened that the stress of it all doesn’t last just a little longer.  I want small shoes to fit a little longer.  I want clothes to stay big so I have to cuff pants and roll up sleeves.  I want their struggle to find letters, sounding out words and putting numbers together to last just a little longer.  I find myself trying to embed every memory in my brain so these wonderful moments don’t slip away unnoticed  or unappreciated.

Upon reflection, I guess I’m ready to do kindergarten with my youngest and the first grade with my oldest (after a nice summer of rest).  All in all, I am reminded to keep doing what I am doing because what is important is creating what is necessary for my daughters to say with definite readiness, “I’m a big girl now.”

That's Silly! Imagine That!

As a parent, you too can have fun while driving to and from school, to the market, doctor's office or to any destination you know is going to test the patience of everyone in the car, by playing a simple game called, That's Silly! Imagine that?! I guarantee loads of fun if you take a few moments to use the natural gifts of creativity you and your children have to enjoy each other's imaginations and giggles to follow.


In this game all that is required is an active imagination to dress any animal in the funniest-er outfit you can possibly think of. In the imagination of my three and six year old daughters (myself included), come to life cats, squirrels, puppies and dinosaurs with polka dot boots, necklaces, bracelets, heart-shaped glasses, purses with candy and the biggest, biggest, biggest pinkalicious hat you ever saw. After everyone playing has had a chance to describe their "silliest animal ever", then we vote for the silliest. To date, I am still trying to catch up to the creative geniuses of my daughters, both of whom take either 1st or 2nd prize each and every time.

The giggles that follow each game are more enjoyable than the one before. Aside from the fun, I am finding my daughters stay focused, as they each give the other a turn and enjoy immensely the colorful description that unfolds from the other. Their animal outfits are becoming more elaborate and fancy and their ability to describe an internal perception is enhancing their vocabulary as they explore using new words that are appropriate and made-up to add to the fun. They "strategize" to use different words that are more elaborate than the other, and thereby create a healthy sense of friendly and fun competition. Their creativity leads to their recalling the best of the best days after the game is over, which seems to cement their "sisterhood" in the sharing of thoughts and laughter. These moments of creativity are both silly and enjoyable as I get to experience with my daughters what our minds create together. Imagine that?!

Papa, yoooou in timeout!

Listening to my children is very important, especially when it is time for me to go to timeout.  I’m not sure when it was within the last several months, but my youngest didn’t break eye contact when she looked up at me and said, “Papa, yooooou in timeout!”  “Me?” I thought and asked, “What did I do?” with a grin followed by some hugs with, “Oh, you are angry with Papa, aren’t you?”  She confirmed, “Yes – Yooooou in timeout!  I’m angry.”

I love the fact that my two daughters, especially the youngest, can express themselves (It isn’t in the genes and takes a lot of reinforcement to get here).  When she sent me to time out, rather than get stuck in a battle, I changed course and we took some time out together to chat.  It took about thirty seconds for my little one to say she didn’t like sitting alone.  Thus, a new plan was needed.  From that little chat, I adopted and modified the successful system, Positive Parenting with a Plan (www.Family-Rules.com), taught by Matthew A. Johnson (I came to know of this system through a seminar I attended).

While the system is designed for an age group beyond the ages of own children (ages three and six), creative modification resulted in great success.  For example, instead of “reward cards” (cited in the book, Positive Parenting with a Plan (Grades K-12): F.A.M.I.L.Y. Rules), I use "tokens" purchased from the local education store (e.g., www.aplusteaching.com).  And, each child has her own Tupperware (approximately 3.5" x 3.5"), which each decorated to include smiley faces and flowers, etc. There is a third Tupperware with a sad face on it (which I took the liberty to draw myself).  From there, I use a modified counting method of another author, Dr. Thomas Phelan of www.parentmagic.com: Yellow-1, Yellow-2 and Yellow-3 as warnings.  The levy of a “fine” can happen on either Yellow-1, Yellow-2 or Yellow-3, thus capitalizing on the children not being able to predict the outcome, i.e., Will a fine happen on Yellow-1 or Yellow-3…. Do you feel lucky (insert your best impression of Clint Eastwood here without the ‘Punk’ part)? I use this “Yellow-1” method so my children are NOT traumatized through life whenever they hear anyone counting, or playing a game, as in Hide-and-Seek, or when they are adult business owners and counting the day’s receipts, 1 – 2 – 3 – etc.  I wanted the counting to be so unique, they would likely not hear it again anywhere else and thus be free to enjoy numbers in any other situation.

The children earn tokens for things they do on their own, getting dressed fully (one token for socks, shoes, etc.). So, my three year old will likely cash in on 4-5 tokens before school.  Also, she earns one token and much praise for going to the potty on her own spontaneously.  More often times than not, I hear, “Papa, guess what? I went to the potty without telling you!”  I always give praise, and sometimes a token, unless that is our specific agreement.  For every 10 tokens, they earn a trip with Papa to yogurt, ice cream or the store to purchase of a coloring book, etc.  For infractions, one or more tokens is (are) required to go back into the sad face Tupperware.  When the infractions get personal, i.e. an attack from the upper bunk bed to the victim down below, then "I'm sorry" with handing one or more tokens over to the victim, which cures a lot of tears and results in big smiles (Of course, we insert, “Do you forgive me?” and “Yes, I do” followed by encouragement toward hugs depending on the severity of the transgression).

Who would of thought that listening to my three year old would result in constructing a plan to “shape” (I prefer this term over “discipline”) their behavior in positive ways?  The children find great pleasure in counting how many tokens they each have, and by happenstance there is one gold token that made its way into the mix, which is very much sought after).  After implementation of this plan, there has been about 1 to 3 timeouts (due to my learning curve).

That’s my story and I’m stick’n to it.  Now, if you will excuse me, I have some tokens handout.


MUTT6UCKD64U

Catholic Single Parents Welcome

Out reach to San Diego Catholic Single Parents follows efforts to reach Catholic dads on the Internet and spread the message that "Faith Formation is job #1", if we as dads are to have any confidence that our children will find a secure way in life.  Outreach to Catholic dads formally began in November of 2008, but the laying of the foundation had taken nearly a decade if not longer.  Since November 2008, CatholicDads.org has received over 50,000 page views.  While the numbers are minimal to website developers, the outreach is significant to parents and their children.

Today, CatholicDads.org launches outreach specifically to San Diego Catholic Single Parents (see our Facebook page for upcoming events).  Why? It is quite simply because being a single parent is not for the faint at heart, and being a Catholic single parent comes with unique challenges, especially in a world where the divorce rate is what we all know it to be, on a very personal level.  As single parents, we are challenged in so many ways, both temporally and spiritually.  And, to go it alone, sets up a struggling family to be vulnerable in many ways we will discuss at another time.

San Diego Catholic Single Parents will undoubtedly go through some changes and growth, but with the fellowship of other Catholic single parents, and in support of our respective families, I am sure the changes will be positive for parents and their children.

This effort in part is born from faith in today's scripture reading:

"Moses spoke to the people and said: 'Now, Israel, hear the statues and decrees which I am teaching you to observe, that you may live, and may enter in and take possession of the land which the Lord, the God of your fathers, is giving you...[and] teach them to your children and to your children's children'" (Deuteronomy 4:1, 5-9).

As single parents, we are all the more challenged to teach our faith to our children, and their's.

The challenge is substantial, and thus was the reason the picture of Mary (taken at Whispering Winds, Julian, CA) is our icon and point of focus.  Even though Mary faced a path uncertain, I imagine her determination and faith in God is found in her simple words, "And Mary said: Behold the handmaid of the Lord: be it done to me according to your word" (New Advent Bible, Luke 1:38).  How often, perhaps as single parents, we must simply have this confidence for God to do wonderful works in our respective lives.   How often, can we be even more confident with others, San Diego Catholic Parents, to find the determination needed to grow ourselves and in turn nurture the growth of our children, and by extension our faith community. 

Welcome San Diego Catholic Single Parents!

Find us on Facebook (San Diego Catholic Single Parents).

Advent, Listening and a Call to Prayer

During the course of my “ministry” there has been little time for listening and deep prayer over this past year, as I continue to actively spread the word “Faith formation is job #1” in the lives of Catholic dads and those of their children. Especially, since there have been over 15,000 page views to CatholicDads.org since November 2008. With that, I have felt the continued passion to encourage dads of all ages (and on any social networking platform I can post on) to be mindful of our important role in the faith formation of our children. Oh, I pray all the time like most faithful dads, but not in a way where I am disposed to even a deeper conversion of the type that causes a wonderful fear of God's obvious actions in one's life. Lately, I know in my core, this is something I am longing for. It may well be the same experience I felt when I took a one day personal / silent retreat at Prince of Peace Abbey, where I found myself “captivated by my Lord” in January 2008. That retreat was the catalyst for becoming a novice oblate and for all events and challenges (painful and not) I now find myself engaged in, and ultimately for the better of my soul and and the souls of others.

As Advent approaches tomorrow, I am listening for Jesus and I have purchased A Companion to the Liturgy of the Hours: Morning and Evening Prayer, along with my first copy of Christian Prayer.

I'm listening....and concurrently shedding many distractions in my life that I have come to realize have been nothing more than chatter to leave me unfulfilled by not acutely hearing what the Lord has to say; the distractions are of the type you find yourself competing with in a nice restaurant where the patrons maintain a dull roar preventing one and a dear friend from connecting on a deeper level that both know is there, but find themselves dissatisfied as the circumstance need to be willfully changed. It is only when one or both say, “Let's get out of here” do they create an opportunity to embark on a stroll to discover what it is they long to connect on.

And, that is where I find myself. Listening in anticipation of connecting with my Savior and wonderfully fearful of what it is that will unfold and the deep prayer that is likely to follow. How do you prepare for Advent? Is your prayer life what you would like it to be?