Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts

From Cradle to Cross and Glory



One hundred fourteen days ago, we celebrated the birth of Jesus; today on Palm Sunday, we learn the answer to know God's love working through adversity.

In today's readings, I am immersed (as I have been during this season of Lent) in the various scenes culminating in the crucifixion of our Lord, and ending undoubtedly with formidable guard securing his tomb (Matthew 26:14; 27:66).

With each line we read from scripture at Mass, I am off balance by fleeting emotions attached to each event that unfolds in the history of Christ's Passion.  The experience ranges between feeling disgusted to hear of betrayal; mystified to grasp an invitation to "Take and eat; this is my body" (Matthew 26:26; [1]); dismay to know personally both willingness and weakness; anger to read of injustice; fatigue to not know the "Why?" of God's plan; disbelief to learn of efforts to secure false testimony; grief to see innocence pummeled; sorrow to witness mocking, abandonment and death, and its impact to those who loved him.  As each scene unfolds into the next, my imagination sees our Lord and then mingles in the crowd of what was likely perfumed with the odors of gossip, speculation, fear and wonderment in a culture I can scarcely begin to understand from within our own today.

The time and place where our Lord walked is far removed. However, our Lord's path, we dimly understand today with God's grace, leads to glory; this time, not to glory under the Star of Bethlehem, but to a place by way of painful suffering.

But what is it that makes the suffering we read about make sense before we ever get to that special place of redemption?  After all, in our own lives, we face various types of stress, grief or crisis that challenge us and culminates in our own "cross" to bear, requiring us to employ skills to cope while understanding the spiritual aspect to what we are facing.  With each day that passes with a burden, do we not ask and nearly demand and search for answers that make sense and provide guidance? Do we, our friends, family or neighbors, not grapple at times with the emotional and practical impact of sin? Do we not want some preparation for what may befall our respective homes, such as suffering from disease, the grip of substance abuse, betrayal in marriage, death of a loved one, catastrophe or some other event or injustice? Sure we do.  Many times, we might even find ourselves depressed and succumbing to seemingly apparent and grievous conclusions without satisfaction.

Surely the followers of Christ found themselves perhaps feeling dejected gazing upon a corpse in a silent tomb, then asking themselves with tear filled eyes and heavy hearts, "How can this be?"





When faced with the unthinkable, it is the unthinkable we must be open to by way of God's grace (2 Corinthians 12:9).  Moreover, we are not alone (unless we chose to be), nor without examples to overcome as we seek some means to help us get though life's beatings and traumas.  During this Holy Week, the answer for me is in what both Mary modeled for us, and likewise her son.

Let me explain.  Before the cradle, Mary asks, of the angel Gabriel, who tells her "[Y]ou will conceive..." (Luke 1:34), "How can this be?"

In today's reading, before the cross, Jesus "expresses himself in words similar to the cry of the righteous sufferer" [3], "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me..." (Matthew 26:39).

Both Mary and Jesus, facing life transforming events that extend before and beyond their human existence, respond, not with ruminations of some version of, "Why?", but instead with full and humble submission to God's unfolding and at times seemingly unknowable plan for the moment (which is different from The Church in God's Plan or God's Plan for us to have fellowship with him).

Mary asserts, "be it done to me" (Luke 1:38).  "Jesus, feeling anguish and distress..." [3] "submits...in obedience to the divine will" [4], totally "as he had taught his disciples" [3].

Therein is the answer, submission in obedience to divine God.  Both Mary and Jesus are examples for us in daily living.  As such, we are confronted to ask ourselves,  "Am I able and willing to live and teach my children such profound awareness?"

If unwilling, we remain subject to the influence of our time.  In our culture, the "will of man" without God finds the meaning of "submission" and "obedience", at best difficult to fathom, if not impossible. And while many of us believe in and have a relationship with God, we may find ourselves influenced none-the-less by the tendency to "Do it my way" and isolate from God's fellowship by "Not being a burden."  In the extreme, cutting ourselves off from any awareness of the creator that by his grace gives us breath, or ill prepared to appreciate the magnificence of the eternal God we worship.
"Personally, I take comfort in the fact that this is a one-way trip.  It motivates me to make this life count, raise my children right, to get involved in activism, to improve life for myself and others (especially my children) and to get as much pleasure as possible from this life that I can - without harming others" [5].
"[T]he average scientific man worships...a greater Deity than the average Christian... But the scientific man knows Him to be eternal; in astronomy, in geology, he becomes familiar with the countless millenniums of His lifetime.  The scientific man strains his mind actually to realize God's infinity.  As far off as the fixed stars he traces Him, 'distance inexpressible by numbers that have name'.  Meanwhile, to the theologian, infinity and eternity are very much of empty words when applied to the Object of his worshipHe does not realize them in actual facts and definite computations" [6].

From what I read in scripture, hear from my priest and know in my heart, God calls us to know him profoundly and wants us to give Jesus our burden (Matthew 11:30) and do it his way (John 14:6), so we can actually "realize God's infinity."  Oftentimes, we struggle so much, because we have yet to fully embrace the God given ability to simply, and quietly, submit to our creator's love and teaching.  Jesus and those we read about (Saints and Angels) can transform our lives (requiring a yielding heart, fellowship, reading, fasting and abstinence, repentance, prayer, confession, charity, good works, etc.).  And if we turn to each other for fellowship and prayer, help in our communities, and our faith in God's love, we find there are resolutions on the path to a place called redemption.  To be sure, there will be opportunities for living and suffering throughout life, but we can only get to glory, by cradle and cross and then in great humility begin to embrace what it means to love our God of Wonders.

To fully know God, it seems, involves getting to, "not as I will, but as you will."  And as we approach such a relationship with our creator, we grow in humble witness to the awesome power and meaning of what is yet to come in the days ahead, and what follows the broken seal of an empty tomb.
"Lord, you have satisfied our hunger with Eucharistic food.  The death of your Son gives us hope and strengthens our faith.  May his resurrection give us perseverance and lead us to salvation. We ask this through Christ our Lord" (Magnificat: Holy Week 2011, p. 41).






1. The Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist (NewAdvent.org, Catholic Encyclopedia).
2. Stan Fortuna, CFR is a Catholic priest notable for his evangelical musical contribution...He is one of the eight original members of the Community of Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, a Franciscan order established by Cardinal John Joseph O'Connor in 1987 (Fr. Stan Fortuna, Wikipedia).
3. International Bible Commentary (1998, p. 1323).
4. The New Jerome Biblical Commentary (1990, p. 670).
5. Blair Scott, national communications director for the American Atheists).
6. Natural Law in the Spiritual World (Henry Drummond. 1883, p. 170).

Four Year Old Avoids Slammer by Confession

Walking out of Staples after our run for office supplies, my four year old's sister yells, "Paaaaaaapaaaaaa!  She took a candy and you didn't see!"  As we were busy that morning, I turned mildly annoyed to my youngest, with packages in hand and immediately stopped struggling to find my car keys, while herding the kids along through the maze of pedestrians to our car.  She was looking pretty sheepish.  With her little head turned down in that look of "Darn, he caught me!" and her sparkling eyes up my way, I could see she was experiencing embarrassment.  She was also upset her sister turned her in.   At the same time I could see her little wheels turning and wondering what was next, now that her fantasy of sugar bliss wasn't so sweet.

"Babe, what did you do?" I asked in that kind of low sing-song tone, reserved for the kids to discern, "Something is wrong and Papa's going to take care of it."  This time, I didn't get that, "Nothing...", which I've been really working hard on to remove from their spontaneous replies to hiding mischief.  Instead, I got an immediate, albeit reluctant, confession, "I got this." Her soft voice matched the pace of her slowly pulling from under her arm a likely warm by now multi-colored jawbreaker on a stick.  My reply was an intentional tone that was affirming the confession, mixed with need for action, resulting in, "Babe, I know you wanted that.  But, we didn't pay for it. Honey, we need to go back in, and return that.  It doesn't belong to you."  She complied with some hesitancy, due to her not knowing what to do.

On the way in to the store holding hands, I gave her some quick instruction, which I had to repeat only about two times.  "When we get to the lady, you hand her the candy. Say, I took this and I'm sorry."  Her sister in the background was like most sisters singing up the ultimate punishment, "She could have gone to jail!"  So, now experienced in multi-tasking and manging with some degree of success two conversations at once, I reassured my youngest, "Honey, you are not going to jail." To her sister, "Sweetie, stop that; she's not going to jail.  But, I really appreciate you taking care of our family and doing what is right" (Although I do wonder why she waited until we were outside the store before telling me).

The clerk we saw just moments before was very inviting, but also had that question on her face of, "What did I miss in my customer service?" as I approached her register.  I pointed to my little one to re-orient the clerk's attention.  With arm outstretched, candy in hand, walking toward the clerk, we could all hear a fairly good attempt to make amends. My little culprit was now back on the straight and narrow and comforted by the clerk's, "Thank you, Honey, for bringing that back."  On the way out of the store, I picked up my darling and my oldest trailed behind. I continued with "Thank you, Sweetheart for telling me what you did (I left out the part, after your sister busted you).  Let's tell Jesus your sorry." She did and I increased the affection.  "Later, we'll pray about this. Okay?"  She replied with a smile and apparently wondering, "Okay, I think?"

Her sister needed a few more re-orientations to the fact that jail was not in the immediate future.  Now upon reflection, I can see from a child's point of view, that would be pretty cool, to visit a jail by way of police car and sirens just for the fun of it.  Heck, I'm thinking since I know my daughters, even jail is better than "Nappy time", which was a few hours away (Napping: Children and Adults).  After this, we were back on track for the remainder of the morning, all in good spirits.

Side note: I wonder if my little one took Staple's new advertising to heart, "That was easy!"  Maybe in another context, but not when Papa is around and sister is looking for something gone wrong.

As most parents know, it is difficult to deliver messages that are clear while on the run, but I have found immediate, specific and short messages best, preceded with establishing a history of a lot of hand holding, high-fives, praises for accomplishments, tickling, hide-peak-and-sneak and just plain acting silly.  These seem to make the "messages" and "teachable moments" go over a lot better and they feel better for everyone, resulting in a very quick recovery time from "corrections" and return to the practical stuff of the day mixed with silliness.

That evening, before they drifted off to sleep, we chatted about where we saw God in our day, what we are thankful for and what we could do better.  Of course, this was followed by a lot of hugs and kisses and reading from the Magnificat, usually when I'm not too exhausted and there aren't too many "I'm thirsty", "I'm hungry" (again), "I have to go potty" or "I want my bear...rabbit. No, the other one" cycles of patience testing. If you don't know what I mean, see Goodnight, Junior, by Veggie Tales for an animated version of my experience (but with two girls)!

God bless,


Ed - Known this week as "Popsie-Wapsie" to my kids.

Prayer for the Evening:
I will espouse you to me forever: I will espouse you in right and in justice, in love and in mercy (Hos 2:21). 




Teaching Children Moral Behavior



Amazing Grace
Rhema Lil - Gospel Singer - Age: 8
Rhema lost her mother, Wendi Marvanne,
to ovarian cancer on November 8, 2008.



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The Path to Peace Begins with Criss-Cross Applesauce



Everyday I am refining translation skills in a language I learned long ago; translating from Papa to Kiddo isn't always easy.  Like many dads, I am challenged to think about complex ideas and beliefs about our faith and to deliver them to my children in a way this is meaningful. As translator and teacher I have to also be mindful of actively reinforcing and shaping behaviors that point to and are consistent with our faith. Whew, tall order!

Today, Benedict XVI delivered a message entitled Religious Freedom the Path to Peace (January 1, 2011).  His message (see video here) dealt with religious intolerance, the emotional and physical suffering it causes; and in its gravest form, the death of innocent people. In my opinion, religious intolerance has the effect of bruising and disabling the spirit of people throughout communities and homes of the faithful everywhere, if parents are not actively providing countermeasures to emotionally deal with such severe transgressions in society.  Without proper teaching, our children will grow up to at worst be indifferent if not participants to intolerance, or at best they will "mature" into adults stunned to inaction, allowing the evils of their day to persist among themselves and their neighbors.

How does his message apply to me as a father of two young children?  Well, the message seems clear enough.  I have a responsibility to guide my children toward understanding human dignity, one's role in community, tolerance, mutual respect, control of one's impulses, concern for an another, forgiveness, organization of emotions and accountability for one's actions.   Our Pontiff put it this way, in part, in his address on how this theme relates to the family:
The family, the first cell of human society, remains the primary training ground for harmonious relations at every level of coexistence, human, national and international. Wisdom suggests that this is the road to building a strong and fraternal social fabric, in which young people can be prepared to assume their proper responsibilities in life, in a free society, and in a spirit of understanding and peace.
Our Pontiff also noted the role of justice in pursuing the path of peace by essentially respecting human dignity.  If my children are not taught to respectfully relate to each other and the family, how will they respectfully relate to others in the years to come? I infer from our Pontiff the obligation to instill a core value based on the love of Christ, so they will be able to participate with and endorse future leaders of world religions toward
[C]ommitment to promoting and protecting religious freedom, and in particular to defending religious minorities...to consolidate the spirit of good will, openness and reciprocity which can ensure the protection of fundamental rights and freedoms in all areas and regions of the world.
Setting the foundation for such lofty goals like this can be a challenge at home.   However, with creativity, it can be done and can be taught in "Kiddo".  For me, it is best approached by using what my children are already familiar with, for example Cris-Cross Applesauce.  When my children are tending toward more than the usual playful banter that is expected at their ages (four and six), and they start entering into an area of impulsive disrespect, then they are each timed-out to Cris-Cross Applesauce facing away from each other (to eliminate the impulse for taunting), with a quick "if you can't be nice, you cannot play."  Little ones get the message real quick: Nice = Play.  Before they are freed from timeout, they are each given plastic coins, the number of which is their respective ages.  To shape their behavior, as soon as they are sitting politely still and hands in their laps, I immediately reinforce positive actions (as I do elsewhere) with praises, smiles, a quick scrubbing of the hair on their heads with a joyful remark in proximity to, "Fantastic!  You did that soooo well and you both are such good listeners and polite!!  Give me back two coins each.  A couple more and you can play."

It doesn't take them long to realize (a) Play is more fun and (b) Timeout can be fun, too, but "I'd rather be playing."

My girls are not in timeout long, since each moment of sitting respectfully still is rewarded with relinquishing a coin and getting out of the sentence. Once in awhile, I create a little competition to see who gets out first, which makes an otherwise seemingly punitive experience a positive and challenging one.

The brief time it takes to implement this shaping of behavior (usually about 4-6 minutes), sets the foundation for:
  • Knowing mutual love and respect is the rule;
  • Accountability is required for improper actions;
  • Self-mastery of impulses is necessary;
  • Loving discipline is more times than not close at hand;
  • Forgiveness is expected.

These principles little by little are internalized, embedded in the brain's memory, where they are able to draw from and recall positive ways to interrelate with each other, reinforced by affectionate direction provided by your's truly.  As they grow older and more experienced, it is hoped by extension these principles and behaviors will expand beyond the world of stuffed animals and play.  The goals are long-term to be sure, but they lead to the path of peace our Lord lived.  Ultimately that peace creates the internal ability and awareness to share in the brother- and sisterhood of their peers.  This strategy is training ground for having the ability to mange themselves, which is useful to interrelating with those who believe and who do not believe in ways they are most familiar as Catholics. If I have done my job then, they will as our Pontiff points out:

[S]ee others as their brothers and sisters, with whom they are called to journey and work together so that all will feel that they are living members of the one human family, from which no one is to be excluded.





Resolving Conflict Between Kiddos Traveling 40 MPH


Invariably on any venture with kids, as with a lot of parents and ventures, wrinkles in the daily "plan" accumulate, especially if traffic begins to backup.

When that happens, one needs a little grace, St. Christopher and prayer to effectively and safely navigate down the highway, headed straight  for school, a play date, yogurt outing, shopping venture or bug hunt at the local park.  One too many red lights, and tensions rise.

You know what I mean.  You're sitting at the light, looking at your watch and then hear from the back seat little ones launch into "How much longer?"  "Are we there yet?" or "Papa, why is she staring at me?" Or, that one we all love, "I have to go pee again" (Wouldn't it make life a little easier if car seat companies had a fitted and pee resistant covers, just like we use for their beds?  But, I digress).  If you have had enough rest the night before (Yea, right), and plenty of coffee or diet-whatever, then these queries are effectively managed with a polite any one of the following canned comments:

  • "Nope.  I'll let you know when we're there."
  • "Nope, it will be just a little longer."
  • "Hon, look out the window and let's see who can find the next sign with numbers."
  • "Hang, in there, let me find a bookstore. Can you hang on?"  (Bookstores are harder to find, but they are the cleanest; and since my daughters loath gas stations, I know just about how long it takes to get to each bookstore from any particular intersection in our community).

If this is all you have to deal with before arriving at your destination, then you have literally "arrived" and a Snoopy dance or the latest dance step is in order.  Life is sweet and yes, there is a God who listens to St. Christopher.  Pause.  Wait a minute, life isn't so sweet all the time, is it?  Sometimes, St. Christopher and God have other designs and lessons to teach when kiddos get into it in the backseat.

Are you ready?  If your little ones begin lobbing stuffed animals at each other, or Lord forbid, take the last sticker from someone's new sticker / coloring book, and all heck is just about to be unleashed back there, under these circumstances, you've got little time to react.  Rather than trying to manage WWIII from the front seat of a war zone traveling at 40 MPH approaching a yellow light, take a deep breath and say, "Hey, guys.  I thought you were wanting to go to (Fill in the blank here).  Guess you are not ready, since you can't be nice to each other. Sooooo, we're pulling over and we are not going anywhere until you stop fighting and makeup."

Of course, for maximum effect, you'll want to (a) have practiced this with your colleagues and CEO and (b) keep your voice low, determined and just a little difficult to hear, James Bond style.  Start yelling, and you lose the full effect and beauty of this peace keeping mission (Don't forget to turn off the engine so you can then bask in peace a quiet).  I usually stay at the side of the road for about the number of minutes equal to the average of their ages.  And, just for grins, to ground myself, I adjust the rear view mirror and watch their little confused faces looking at each other, and without out a word, try to figure out, "What are we going to do?"  What was initially a potential conflict that could rival any, turns into three to four minutes of entertainment.

Now, I'm not kidding, the fist time I tried this little maneuver, the kids were in shock. Truth be told, I was, too.  The war stopped!  That's when I discovered, keep a child from her intended destination, and you will have her full attention and compliance.  After about two more trials of this, the mere threat of pulling over has resulted in nearly 99.99999% effectiveness.

My little ones are four and six years old.  So, I encourage you, try this in your home (I mean car), but keep in mind, this strategy to end conflict between older children, to my knowledge, has not been tried.  So be cautious!  In a few more years I will let you know how it goes.  But until then, let me know how your peace keeping mission turns out.

Papa, yoooou in timeout!


Listening to my children is very important, especially when it is time for me to go to timeout.  I’m not sure when it was within the last several months, but my youngest didn’t break eye contact when she looked up at me and said, “Papa, yooooou in timeout!”  “Me?” I thought and asked, “What did I do?” with a grin followed by some hugs with, “Oh, you are angry with Papa, aren’t you?”  She confirmed, “Yes – Yooooou in timeout!  I’m angry.”

I love the fact that my two daughters, especially the youngest, can express themselves (It isn’t in the genes and takes a lot of reinforcement to get here).  When she sent me to time out, rather than get stuck in a battle, I changed course and we took some time out together to chat.  It took about thirty seconds for my little one to say she didn’t like sitting alone.  Thus, a new plan was needed.  From that little chat, I adopted and modified the successful system, Positive Parenting with a Plan (www.Family-Rules.com), taught by Matthew A. Johnson (I came to know of this system through a seminar I attended).


While the system is designed for an age group beyond the ages of own children (ages three and six), creative modification resulted in great success.  For example, instead of “reward cards” (cited in the book, Positive Parenting with a Plan (Grades K-12): F.A.M.I.L.Y. Rules), I use "tokens" purchased from the local education store (e.g., www.aplusteaching.com).  And, each child has her own Tupperware (approximately 3.5" x 3.5"), which each decorated to include smiley faces and flowers, etc. There is a third Tupperware with a sad face on it (which I took the liberty to draw myself).  From there, I use a modified counting method of another author, Dr. Thomas Phelan of www.parentmagic.com: Yellow-1, Yellow-2 and Yellow-3 as warnings.  The levy of a “fine” can happen on either Yellow-1, Yellow-2 or Yellow-3, thus capitalizing on the children not being able to predict the outcome, i.e., Will a fine happen on Yellow-1 or Yellow-3…. Do you feel lucky (insert your best impression of Clint Eastwood here without the ‘Punk’ part)? I use this “Yellow-1” method so my children are NOT traumatized through life whenever they hear anyone counting, or playing a game, as in Hide-and-Seek, or when they are adult business owners and counting the day’s receipts, 1 – 2 – 3 – etc.  I wanted the counting to be so unique, they would likely not hear it again anywhere else and thus be free to enjoy numbers in any other situation.

The children earn tokens for things they do on their own, getting dressed fully (one token for socks, shoes, etc.). So, my three year old will likely cash in on 4-5 tokens before school.  Also, she earns one token and much praise for going to the potty on her own spontaneously.  More often times than not, I hear, “Papa, guess what? I went to the potty without telling you!”  I always give praise, and sometimes a token, unless that is our specific agreement.  For every 10 tokens, they earn a trip with Papa to yogurt, ice cream or the store to purchase of a coloring book, etc.  For infractions, one or more tokens is (are) required to go back into the sad face Tupperware.  When the infractions get personal, i.e. an attack from the upper bunk bed to the victim down below, then "I'm sorry" with handing one or more tokens over to the victim, which cures a lot of tears and results in big smiles (Of course, we insert, “Do you forgive me?” and “Yes, I do” followed by encouragement toward hugs depending on the severity of the transgression).

Who would of thought that listening to my three year old would result in constructing a plan to “shape” (I prefer this term over “discipline”) their behavior in positive ways?  The children find great pleasure in counting how many tokens they each have, and by happenstance there is one gold token that made its way into the mix, which is very much sought after).  After implementation of this plan, there has been about 1 to 3 timeouts (due to my learning curve).

That’s my story and I’m stick’n to it.  Now, if you will excuse me, I have some tokens handout.



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