Resolving Conflict Between Kiddos Traveling 40 MPH

Invariably on any venture with kids, as with a lot of parents and ventures, wrinkles in the daily "plan" accumulate, especially if traffic begins to backup.

When that happens, one needs a little grace, St. Christopher and prayer to effectively and safely navigate down the highway, headed straight  for school, a play date, yogurt outing, shopping venture or bug hunt at the local park.  One too many red lights, and tensions rise.

You know what I mean.  You're sitting at the light, looking at your watch and then hear from the back seat little ones launch into "How much longer?"  "Are we there yet?" or "Papa, why is she staring at me?" Or, that one we all love, "I have to go pee again" (Wouldn't it make life a little easier if car seat companies had a fitted and pee resistant covers, just like we use for their beds?  But, I digress).  If you have had enough rest the night before (Yea, right), and plenty of coffee or diet-whatever, then these queries are effectively managed with a polite any one of the following canned comments:

• "Nope.  I'll let you know when we're there."
• "Nope, it will be just a little longer."
• "Hon, look out the window and let's see who can find the next sign with numbers."
• "Hang, in there, let me find a bookstore. Can you hang on?"  (Bookstores are harder to find, but they are the cleanest; and since my daughters loath gas stations, I know just about how long it takes to get to each bookstore from any particular intersection in our community).

If this is all you have to deal with before arriving at your destination, then you have literally "arrived" and a Snoopy dance or the latest dance step is in order.  Life is sweet and yes, there is a God who listens to St. Christopher.  Pause.  Wait a minute, life isn't so sweet all the time, is it?  Sometimes, St. Christopher and God have other designs and lessons to teach when kiddos get into it in the backseat.

Are you ready?  If your little ones begin lobbing stuffed animals at each other, or Lord forbid, take the last sticker from someone's new sticker / coloring book, and all heck is just about to be unleashed back there, under these circumstances, you've got little time to react.  Rather than trying to manage WWIII from the front seat of a war zone traveling at 40 MPH approaching a yellow light, take a deep breath and say, "Hey, guys.  I thought you were wanting to go to (Fill in the blank here).  Guess you are not ready, since you can't be nice to each other. Sooooo, we're pulling over and we are not going anywhere until you stop fighting and makeup."

Of course, for maximum effect, you'll want to (a) have practiced this with your colleagues and CEO and (b) keep your voice low, determined and just a little difficult to hear, James Bond style.  Start yelling, and you lose the full effect and beauty of this peace keeping mission (Don't forget to turn off the engine so you can then bask in peace a quiet).  I usually stay at the side of the road for about the number of minutes equal to the average of their ages.  And, just for grins, to ground myself, I adjust the rear view mirror and watch their little confused faces looking at each other, and without out a word, try to figure out, "What are we going to do?"  What was initially a potential conflict that could rival any, turns into three to four minutes of entertainment.

Now, I'm not kidding, the fist time I tried this little maneuver, the kids were in shock. Truth be told, I was, too.  The war stopped!  That's when I discovered, keep a child from her intended destination, and you will have her full attention and compliance.  After about two more trials of this, the mere threat of pulling over has resulted in nearly 99.99999% effectiveness.

My little ones are four and six years old.  So, I encourage you, try this in your home (I mean car), but keep in mind, this strategy to end conflict between older children, to my knowledge, has not been tried.  So be cautious!  In a few more years I will let you know how it goes.  But until then, let me know how your peace keeping mission turns out.

Active, Involved, Informed and Engaged: Dealing with Reproduction

Dealing with reproductive issues is a very sensitive issue and can make one or both spouses feel isolated and alone, unless they have exceptional communication skills and are mutually supportive of one another.  Post-Gazzete reports:

 "...infertile couples often break up because they can't talk about it in healthy ways. Men have a hard time talking about infertility, and their wives may conclude that they don't care because they don't talk about it, he said. Women, because they realize there is no one to blame for the problem, sometimes displace their anger about it onto other issues in the marriage, causing great friction" (Read more).

"The Pope Paul VI Institute is the only Catholic Institution of its type in the United States and perhaps the world that has dedicated its services to the development of morally and professionally acceptable reproductive health services. The Institute is nationally and internationally recognized for its major accomplishements, including the Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System (CrMS), the official language of a woman's health and fertility and the new women's health science, NaProTECHNOLOGY" (The Pope Paul VI Institute).

I wonder if men in fact do find it difficult to talk about with their wives?  If so, what makes that a difficult discussion?  I know there are as many reasons, as there are open hearts to the blessings of a child.  To my brothers, I'd suggest the easiest and first step woud be simply to get informed; and if a Catholc brother knows of another dealing with such burdens, it is a gift to share this information on The Pope Paul VI Institute, keep him (and his wife) in your prayers, and be there for support.  If you extend this gift of charity, who knows, you may become someone's uncle someday.

The Well of Consciences...How Deep is Your Well?

Fewer and fewer Catholic dads with young families seem to be actively involved in their local parish's community activities .  But is the well of conscience growing deeper, or more shallow among Catholic  dads?


Prior to March 2002, I like most obtained much of my political and general information from secular radio and T.V.  Of course, I talked with friends and family about their views, went to church and listened to what the priest had to say; and I relied heavily on my education to understand the "right thing to do". I wonder if you are the same way?

Little did I know my consciences wasn't as deep as I would like it to be to actively manage the complex moral and social issues our culture faces today; this was in part due to my lack of awareness and prior laziness many years ago.   No longer passive (a passive soldier is the best kind for evil to spread), I am much more active and informed to defend truth, the rights of the helpless, homeless, hungry and those marginalized. The Lord gained my attention through several life events I have faced throughout the course of my life, and I see there is so much yet to be done.  What about you, brother?  Are you actively engaged in your community?

As you consider the degree of your own involvement, here are resources to replenish what may be a well running dry.

A great downloadable resources entitled Forming Consciences for Faithful Citizenship, can be found at http://www.faithfulcitizenship.org/.

For documents from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, pertaining to Protecthing Human Life, you can go to CatholicDads.org and click on Pro-Life Updates for documents listed in alpha order. For a short video on clarifying the Catholic's responsibility, see Faithful Citizenship at The Catholic Life playlist (Youtube/CatholicDads).

Together, actively living and  spreading the Gospel, we contribute to the well of conscience that grows ever deeper, refreshed by our Lord's love to satisfy our thirst for life and truth, empowering one another to make a positive change in the communities in which we live.  So, how deep is your well?  Deep enough to make a difference in the lives of rich and poor?  In what way(s) will you make a positive change in your community today?

Got Rap? Our Pope does!

What do you get when you blend the commitment of a loving father with a simple desire of his children? You get creative ways to further enhance the relationship between them.

Similarly, I am pleased to see the Vatican creatively come up with a method for outreach to the young, by endorsing the group Ooberfüse, and their song, "Heart's Cry", which has been selected to represent (italics inserted) the Papal visit in the UK" (A rap is the soundtrack to the forthcoming visit of Pope to the United Kingdom, RomeReports.com, 2010-09-11-10:00).

Music is a universal means to stir the soul and this is a fantastic way to do just that, stir the soul for Christ!

Reflections of Faith

Catholic Dads Headquarters: Reflections of Faith: The soul of the Blessed Virgin Mary was the space from which God was able to gain access into humanity (Pope Benedict XVI). Today God welcomes on earth the holy throne which he had prepared for himself.  He who established the heavens in wisdom has fashioned a living heaven(Byzantine Liturgy, Adapted from Magnificat, The Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary, September 8, 2010).


On this special occasion, I am mindful of the interior disposition that gives rise to the beauty found in artistic expression, which is a simple, powerful, and yet an imperfect reflection of our Creator.  The images provided here (Reflections of Faith) have been a blessing in my life and I hope they will provide some enjoyment for you, and an encouragement to take note of all the beauty found in our respective places of worship and the places we share with each other.

Labor of Love

Catholic Dads HQ - On your side: The important role of today's Catholic dads cannot be overstated, when it comes to their responsibility for the temporal and spiritual well being of their children.

While Labor Day has been traditionally focused on the contributions made by workers to the well-being of our country, we cannot overlook the concurrent importance of a dad's "labor of love" for his children.

The cumulative contribution of modern day fathers to their children's lives is well documented in current literature and social services: "Fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home...Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring."   And, that importance is brought to life in popular media and underscored in our outreach. Catholic Dads HQ is committed this Labor Day and everyday to the proactive and effective involvement of Catholic dads in their children's lives.

This Labor Day, reflect on your "labor of love" and what new meaning it can have for you and your children.

Enjoying Geco Juice

I've been experimenting with different breakfast drinks, and came up with Geco Juice. I have found that getting my children (ages 4 and 6) to join me in these experiments is a lot easier if I give these creative and healthy concoctions a funny name.


Cooking Time: N/A
Servings: 6 cups
Preparation Time: 5 minutes


INGREDIENTS

• 2 cups - organic apple juice
• 1/2 - organic large cucumber
• 1 - organic carrot
• 1 - medium banana
• 4 tbs - Organic Blue Agave Sweetener (Trader Joe's)
• 2 tbs - soy Lecithin Granules (Sprouts)
• 3 tbs - sunflower seeds
• 2 cups - ice

DIRECTIONS

• Pour juice in blender;
• Add each ingredient one at a time, and blend until smooth;
• Add Agave Sweetener and ice to taste and consistency desired.
• Enjoy!

Teaching a four and six year old about (dignity and miracle of) life

Each day parents are faced with issues of our time related to education, the economy, changing social norms and then the big one, dignity of life.  As parents it is important to take life’s challenges, show confidence in our Lord (John 16:33) and put issues in “digestible” terms for our children.

Around the dinner table, my daughters and I really, really enjoy a meal with white rice.  Recently, as we sat chatting about the day’s events, I recalled news in my mind on the right to life issue.  In a flash of inspiration, I picked-up a single grain and directed the conversation to how “Magnificent you are to me and how much I love you.” Each of my daughters’ eyes widened to hear my enthusiasm.  From there I proceed to reflect for them, “How magnificent is God our Father and what a miracle it is to be created by Him from something smaller than this grain of rice.”  By this point, I had the full attention of my girls as I held a single grain up with an out stretched hand and proceeded to point, “God is so wonderful, He made you, and you and me”.

“Really, Papa?” my oldest questioned.  “Yes.” I responded.  I continued, “And, then from there you became the size of the nail on your little pinkie.”  I pointed to each one’s little finger with the precision and gentleness as if to poke the Pillsbury dough boy in the tummy and then proceeded to shake my youngest daughter’s little finger with vigor, resulting in giggles all the way around.  From there, I persisted as their little faces reflected with amazement what their minds began to conceptualize and marvel at in the comparison of their current size with that little grain of white rice; which lead to some discussion on who they will become, “Someday, as big as me!”

“Wow!” exclaimed my oldest, jumping up to her little feet, as if to make herself stretch a little taller at this “teaching moment” to get there a little faster.

The dinner conversation was now theirs.  “Papa, were we smaller than that?” my oldest pointed to a stray half-grain of rice. “Yep…” I said confidently.  Then my youngest, grasping her own little finger, “Was I smaller than that?”  “Yep…” I said nodding my head again with a smile, “Can you believe it?”

That brief period of time over dinner, for me set the foundation for my daughters to grasp just how miraculous they are, and how their very existence fills me with great pleasure and love. From a tiny grain of rice is born the idea (albeit not fully formed for some years to come) that something so small (and smaller) can become so big and wonderful.  I am sure there will be many dinners that will challenge me to find creative ways to infuse the ideas of dignity and value packaged in such small miracles.  And, so will continue the education on the dignity and miracle of life.

The Miracle of Life - "The “Miracle of Life” shows us how amazing and wonderful the gift of “Life” is that God has blessed us with. Through incredible ultrasound video and photos we can actually see this miracle as we watch a baby develop in the womb. This video will make a great...illustration when you are preaching on the topics of abortion and sanctity of life" (Hyper Pixels Media).

Ms. Banana Marries Mr. Tomato

I have to admit, plopping a very ripe tomato into the blender did widen my daughters' eyes.  I had no idea the girls would absolutely love this new drink, we call Ms. Banana Marries Mr. Tomato (carrots and spinach are members of the wedding party):

• One whole very ripe tomato
• 2 bananas
• 1 apple
• 1.5 cups of organic apple juice
• 2 tbs wheatgerm
• 2 tbs soy lecithin granules
• 2 tbs Agave sweetener
• 2.5 cups of ice

      Blend all ingredients and voila, happy kids!

Lions, Tigers and Bears...and Nail polish?!

Most dads want to have daughters that can take care of themselves; I am finding that helping them overcome their fears and feel feminine are equally important goals.  Weekend before last, I finally got an opportunity to take my daughters “test camping”. “Test camping” is what smart dads do when aware little princesses may not adapt well to all their little imaginations can create out in the “wilderness” of the rough and tough back county of San Diego county, where if not careful you may only get one of five bars of cell reception.  "Test camping" is basically a day camp experience; and, if my little ones and I did well, then we could plan a future commitment to stay the evening and fight off lions, tigers and bears!

In any case, my little princesses have a known aversion to bugs of all sizes, shapes and colors.  While I teach my girls respect for life, I have to admit, if one bug happens to cross that invisible boundary line and put a little too much fear into one of my daughters, the only thing a dad can do is put forth the executive shoe to end a bugs life, which brings the trauma to an end and is 100% of the time effective in restoring a little girl's sense of security (future boyfriends, beware)!

Anyway, our little test camping adventure includes teaching them to pack, checking out audio books at the library, purchasing survival supplies (among the usual stuff needed for sandwiches and snacks, marsh mellows and roasting sticks - yes, the market sells marsh mellow roasting sticks now for $2.00 for four sticks), and an unwavering commitment to build a fire, pitch a tent, roast marsh mellows and see the evening stars, which in my opinion are the minimum requirements to see if the little ones (and dad) can handle future adventures (It’s been about 30 years since my last camping adventure with my own dad).

Pitching the tent was easier than I remember it when I was a young boy.  Apparently, they have done away (at least for the tent size of ours, which sleeps eight) with 1-inch diameter aluminum poles and have replaced them with lightweight fiberglass, shock-cords pre-installed to make the whole process very easy (apparently, I was lucky enough to purchase a “tent for dummies”).  Building the fire took longer than pitching the tent, and resulted in the usual cries of “I got smoke it the eyes”, which were quickly attended to and forgotten once we broke out the marsh mellows.  Probably, the most glorious time of the test camp experience was watching my daughters get dirty, and having fun, followed by my oldest using her first telescope to take in the grander of a 99% full moon that evening.  What an exhausting day!  A test camp experience is not for the faint at heart, but I believe gave me and them a good orientation before we take the big step of staying somewhere overnight.

The following day, my little campers who braved their imaginations of lions, tigers and bears, needed a dose of civilization, so I took them “fashion shopping” at a couple local thrift stores, where they purchased a few of their favorite items.  Also, they purchased nail polish for a later “fashion show” at home.  Preceding the fashion show, I didn’t realize I’d have to apply the nail polish purchased on our shopping excursion (lemon yellow nail polish for my little one and neon-green for the oldest).  While my oldest was 55% effective in getting the nail polish on all her nails, and 45% efficient at getting it on her fingers and legs, my youngest needed A LOT of help.  Do you know how difficult it is to get nail polish on little toes?  Very, difficult!  I stood my youngest on the dining room chair with strict instructions, “Don’t move...Pops has never done this before, so give me a break while I try this...”  Applying lemon yellow nail polish to the moving miniature toes of a three year old is a lot harder than shooting a target at a shooting gallery at the local Summertime County Fair.  While I wasn't able to paint them all, she did not notice the one or two toes I just could not hit with a polish that has viscosity much harder to apply that Whiteout (Maybe I should have tried Whiteout, at least I have a lot of experience with that)!  I’m not sure how long nail polish takes to dry, but my little one was happy enough to amuse Papa by sitting on the dining table with her feet on the chair until dad thought it was okay to do a “touch test” for dryness, which was about 4-5 minutes.  She was happy to have most of her toes painted lemon yellow, and dad was happy to have a carpet free of lemon yellow nail polish.  After their dress-up time and showing off their new digs and "fancy nails", all was right in the world for Papa and my two little princesses.

Making sure my daughters are rough and tough  is important and as I was reminded by a few good friends and colleagues, it is just as important to nurture their love of fashion and the need for dress-up.  I can see how important it is to likewise provide opportunities to overcome their fears, while at the same time encouraging attention to feminine qualities, which I am sure will help them to take on any adventure they find themselves faced with and to likewise feel pretty.