Captivated by my Lord

This last Tuesday I went on a 24-hour crash course retreat at Prince of Peace Abbey, by invitation of Brother Mario, with the intent to submit to the call of my heavenly father, and to in some way come to know what Mary's perspective was in submitting to the Lord's call by way of the angel Gabriel (Luke1:38). Moreover, I had hoped to gain a better perspective of Joseph's responsibility as a father, who dealt with challenges from the moment of Mary's conception. At my arrival to Prince of Peace Abbey, I sensed this was not going to be familiar experience (photos).

The walk to my room was a little mysterious, as I entered the cool unadorned walkway. As I spent some time looking for my room, my anticipation grew, as I could feel myself wondering what the Lord had in store. Setting my things down, which was in a modest space of double beds, one desk, closet, crucifix, picture, phone and fan, I was steeped in silence. There was an immediate letting go of pager, cell, computer, fax, back-up software, T.V., radio, Plaxo, Linkedin, Twitter, Plurk, possessions, etc., etc., etc. No longer would I be connected to the world's plan for this 24 hours, but hopefully to my Lord's. My room had a view of the main entrance to the church. Its sanctuary called me during the times of prayer for the next 24. Never had I been so drawn to mediate and experience Vigil (5:30 a.m.), Lauds (7:00 a.m.), Holy Mass (11:00 a.m.), Vespers (5:00 p.m.) and Compline (8:00 p.m.). The rhythm of prayer, the song of the brothers, seemed so natural and necessary, but I hadn't known this before. At the ringing of the bells at 11:00 a.m., I embraced the experience, as I had done entering my grandmother's and grandfather's home when I was a young boy. I felt calm, secure and knew there was peace here, and it was a place to discover and grow.

During the day, I spent much time in the library, exploring the history of the Catholic church in America, anthropology, and the topic of morality and the Catholic church of the 70s. I came away more convinced than ever, of the need for our young people to be well versed in their own faith, for it was even more obvious that throughout history, the foundation set by parents and leaders is that which sustains or diminishes the faithful vitality of subsequent generations, and will either make more firm or precarious the salvation of their souls.

When not in the library, I took (photographs) and meandered about, listening to my mind, heart, soul and talked with God, and at times just felt the presence of his grandeur to my frail stature. The most potent experience for me was on the Prayer Walk, where there are fourteen stations of the cross. The stations of the cross seemed to me in similar manner what I might call the Stations of Fatherhood. At each station, I could see some parallel that fathers experience throughout life, where we at times may feel belabored and alone. And, during our walk, we may feel the relief of help at times, all the while knowing we have a destination and that our families depend on us to complete the task set before us, with the hope that in the end, not only will we rise to eternal life, but those we love will as well because of the example we set. This walk is where I was captivated by my Lord, both by embracing partially (due to my finite mind) the meaning of his sacrifice and God's love, but also by realizing the importance of my own sacrifice and love for the faith formation of my children, family and community.

That 24-hours was more intense than I had anticipated, and it left me renewed and committed to my Lord's work. During this period, I met with Brother Daniel to discuss becoming an Oblate in The Order of Saint Benedict and have since picked up a copy of The Rule of Saint Benedict. In all my experiences in the Catholic faith, this one 24-hour period seemed to solidify the vague teachings I had as a child. In this 24-hour period I was captivated by my Lord, and became wonderfully fearful of what he will reveal. Now, I believe in some small part I know what both Mary and Joseph experienced. Now, I can only pray for the Lord's grace to submit to his will and follow where he leads.

The Rule of Saint Benedict (An Image Book Original)

Dads Fighting the Freedom of Choice Act

The fight for life will not be over if The Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA) is passed in congress January 21-22, 2009. This fight leaves me deeply moved by the events resulting in the destruction of innocent life. While I am soulfully sorrowful that the I was not able to see the magnitude of what is occurring prior to the Lord's recent conversion of my mind, heart and ears to both know and hear, I am also more than ever certain of my convictions.

As I mentioned to a woman at a talk given by Fr. Denis G. Wilde (http://www.priestsforlife.org/) yesterday, I went through undergraduate school and graduate school, became a medical health professional and not once did I see photos (see links in right column) of the remains of dead children from an abortion. I clearly remember my professors not wanting us to choose the debate of abortion because "it had already done time and again." So, my then peers absorbed the teaching of the universities, not knowing better and not prompted by a well formed awareness through our faith.

I say this, because I want to underscore the importance of our work as parents in the faith formation and education of our children to the issues around them. Without a firm foundation, our children will take in the teaching of a secular world, only to one day perhaps find themselves learning the truth if they yield to the Holy Spirit. Often, I feel as perhaps Paul felt, as a former persecutor (out of ignorance) of the Church: "...Whatever gains I had, these I have come to consider a loss because of Christ..." (Philippians 3:7).

Can I or we continue to give consent by silence? No, not I and it is this scripture which seems to be the one that captures the challenge for me: “Watch carefully then how you live, not as foolish pesons but as wise, making the most of the opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not continue in ignorance, but try to understand what is the will of the Lord” (Ephesians 5-16-17).

To those who are faithful, I adopt this encouragement for you and your family: "Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me [St. Paul]. Then the god of peace will be with you" (Philippians 4:9).

Resources:
American Center for Law and Justice / Issue Index on Abortion

CatholicDads.org / Pro-Life

Fight FOCA

Americans United for Life

Track FOCA through Congress

Calendar for Life

Abortion Medical News

Candy Caper Solved Leading to Reconciliation

I'm sure my daughters are just like those of others, who thorough out the day find some reason to torment each other, but unlike other times I actually had caught a “teachable moment” about penance that fell together on the fly.

While my youngest daughter “C” (two years old) was sent to timeout for some transgression I can't even remember, “B” (four years old) took the opportunity to lift her sister's last Skittle, which was purple, and likely tasted of intense grape (I love those)! As I walked pass the scene of the crime, “Oh, well...What am I going to do?” crossed my mind, and I nearly avoided the whole situation. But, since I am taking to heart the idea and importance of my role in the Domestic Church, I couldn't just walk by and do nothing.

B was relishing the moment, as we have all done, when thinking we got away with something minor until her eyes met mine. “Hon, that was your sisters” to which she cleverly replied, “I was going to ask her, but you told me not to talk to her in timeout, remember?” She had a point, but she was missing mine, and I knew it was just an excuse, though a good one at that. As she held her last grape lollipop in hand, mid-stride up to her mouth until she was caught, I gave her the task of thinking how she was going to get her sister's candy back. Of course, she informed me she ate it and couldn't do anything about it. So, I turned up the heat just a little. “Well, just sit there and think about how to replace it.” Creatively, she came up with a plan I quickly terminated, “Well, at the next party I go to...” she attempted.

It took a few minutes to realize she was not going to volunteer her own lollipop, and as much as it pained me, it had to happen. As C returned from timeout, B handed over her grape lollipop and the tears began to flow from B as the smiles flowed from C. My heart was broken as I saw how much B was looking forward to making that grape lollipop last and last for the remainder of the afternoon. C gladly accepted her sister's penance, and began to indulge, and I am sure not taking in any of what was happening with B.

B quickly ran to my arms and jumped in my lap, and my heart felt heavier as I realized how even we, as adults, run to the Lord when we have made a terrible choice in life and want to have things return to the way the were, only to realize he loves us, but we still have to accept the consequences for our actions. “Hon, taking what is not ours results in giving back what was lost, and then some.” I could see in her watery eyes this made some sense, while still not wanting the reality as it was, “But, I still want it.” “I know, Hon...” With a longer hug, and some rubbing of her back, she soon after gave her firm commitment through the tears, as I know I have in the confessional, “I won't do it again...”

The tears abated with continued hugs and gentle guidance, as I watched the grape lollipop disappear in C little hand, only to leave its purple mark around her little mouth. I am sure this will not be the last time I teach about confession, penance and restoration, as I am sure the Lord will not be lacking for opportunities to teach me in our Domestic Church.

Growing in Knowledge

The power of information is our greatest resource in overcoming denial, fear and resistance. Through the use of information and education, when provided with genuine concern and commitment to each other's well being, we can hope to appeal to the sensibility of our brothers and sisters.

Timeless Gifts

My grandmother died in my early twenties, and grandfather shortly thereafter. During this time of year, I miss them both and appreciate the many timeless gifts they gave me and my sister. My grandmother had a candle of a Saint always burning in her bedroom at night, where my sister and I slept as children when we visited; near the illumination was a rosary, the shadow of which flickered in the cool of the night. My grandfather wasn't a “spiritual” man, and wasn't even Catholic, didn't attend church, but was committed to the family and without fail enjoyed putting up Christmas lights every year. I can still hear the clatter of an aluminum ladder stretching for the trim of the roof of their home on the corner.

Each one in their own way modeled for me a way of life I didn't know I would one day greatly appreciate. Each, by living their principles, passed along to me invaluable and timeless gifts. My grandmother gave me the gift of affection, sense of value, consistency, dependability, and demonstration of faith in the intangible. My grandfather gave me the gift of warmth, joy, protection, reliability and skill to take on and finish a project without accepting less than the best I had to offer. Each in their own way formed the foundation of my beliefs about being a person, a member of a family and community, and each filled the gap where my parents could not (Family life wasn't perfect, sometimes troubling, but the true and nurturing aspects of family life can surface if permitted). Their respective faith in God and family proves to revisit me often.

Last night, I gave the gift of imagination, by taking my daughters to the library to checkout some delightful audio-books which they each were captivated by as we drove to our next destination (Had I known this would keep them from throwing stuff at each other earlier, I would have used my library membership a long time ago). At Home Depot, I gave the gifts of competence and partnership by showing my oldest, who is four, how to choose the proper wood-screws for my office shelves by instructing: “Find isle sixteen, which has a one and a six..look for a screw about this long.” The hunt for the wood-screws took us down many isles and to many stops, but it was worth every extra minute of time spent (even though I spent quite a bit of that time re-shelving product). Both enjoyed the self-serve checkout stand. The youngest, who is two, enjoyed being a part of our team, as she explored the many things see and tried to discern which was touchable and which was “Oh no, not that!” After Home Depot, we shared in the gift of God's joy, as we listened to Night of Silence: Music for Advent and Christmas (Marty Haugen, published by GIA Publications, Inc.), had our “bible reading time”at the table, enjoyed hot chocolate and chatted about the “beautiful music” (I love these little chats so I keep a digital recording on to capture these special moments). Afterward, we shared the gift of humility before God in prayer with our rosaries (two Our Fathers and three Hail Marys) before they went fast asleep.I miss my grandmother and grandfather, but I have faith we will one day be reunited in the presence of our Lord. Until then, God's gift to them, in turn given to me, I now pass along to my little ones. Timeless.

Prep School for Life

When someone stole the sign proclaiming The Winter Solstice on Friday (CNN, Missing atheist sign found in Washington state, December 12, 2008), the community of believers received a just criticism because of the acts of one or more, “I guess they don't follow their own commandments” (Annie Laurie Gaylor, Freedom From Religion Foundation). Stealing sets an example and teaches the best that can be done to articulate one's faith in Jesus (see God the Son, Messiah of Israel) , enjoyment of Christmas (see History and Celebration) or belief is to suppress another's by uncharitable means, which cancels out the message that I find in Scripture, and the essence of the message found in other world views that promote good will.
Ms. Annie Laurie Gaylor's perception must be acknowledged if we are to maintain integrity, because it is from that place we can continue to proclaim the Scripture's message in a healthy dialogue that models for our children the manner by which we are to conduct ourselves. In the bible, I have read on Christian suffering:
“...Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but do it with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that be the will of God, then for doing evil” (1 Peter 3:15-17).
After all, who among us have not struggled with our faith at some point, and have struggled with wondering, if there is a god? What does our faith mean? What is the meaning of life? I have, and at times those periods have been long. The sign in my opinion speaks in part to the valley we must all traverse. Some find their hope in various faiths, some find their celebration in Winter Solstice, and I in my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, who brings me joy and salvation (Christmas Chants - Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo).
As a parent, I think it helpful to remember this is life, and events such as this serve as opportunities for education of my children and myself so that I may give an account of my hope. This is our prep school for this life and the next. It is better to proclaim than attack, and a well articulated proclamation in word and deed carries the message of the season.
With that, I respectfully wish Ms. Annie Laurie Gaylor, a happy Winter Solstice during this time of year.------------
For those who wish to increase their knowledge about the Catholic faith and apologetics, click here for resources.

UNC libraries to forgo Christmas tree

I used to be personally dismayed by stories that I interpreted as being "Counter-Christian" (or counter-anyone's faith orientation), when related to issues in the public venue, such as the one currently being discussed by a few, and related to the decision of a representative of UNC Chapel Hill's two main libraries to not display a Christmas tree this year (UNC libraries to forgo Christmas tree).Then, Matthew 7:3 help me put things into perspective: "Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?"As a father, it is important to teach the value of the Sacrament of Reconciliation to our children. Then, I believe our charity and the actions of our charity will result in social change, so that stories like these will be overshadowed by the good being done by the faithful.Thoughts of a regular dad on the Christmas tree "issue":
The Symbolism of One's Life (Posted 12.07.08)

If a representative of a public institution choose the option to not display a symbol, in this case a Christmas tree, it would seem they have the right no matter the reason. I choose to be less concerned about a representative of a public institution displaying the Christmas tree, and more concerned about the symbolism of my own life. I think this is the time that every Christian home (and those who just enjoy the Christmas tree) to proudly display a tree, and adorn their homes with lights to draw attention to the wonderful joy of this season. And, if possible, Christians may consider displaying a nativity scene in their home or on their property.

The public venue is obviously politically correct. I prayerfully work at being faithfully correct where it matters, in my home and in my life, and hopefully that is a symbol that matters to the lives of others, especially if they are in need, homeless, or elderly.

My daughter, who is four, helped me understand this better one morning in her question, "Papa, why do you wear your cross under your shirt [tee-shirt, 100% cotton no less]? You should wear it outside, so everyone knows about Jesus." As I held her in may arms, she gently took my cross, on a gold chain, and placed the cross just outside my tee-shirt and patted it with much conviction and happiness. Now, more than ever, I am aware of the impact my life has to this child and her sister (who is two).

I think we need to look in our own homes and ask, "What does my home say about our family?" and "What does my life say about me?" The answers we come to will determine if we are living lives of conviction for what matters.

Enjoy this glorious season, peace to all and if you are so inclined, display your Christmas tree so everyone knows about Jesus.

Merry Christmas!

Coming to Jesus Disabled

It has only been the past few years where I've really come to appreciate the importance of Advent in my life. It has caused me to re-think where I invest my time and attention. And, I find that as I let go of a secular perspective, and focus more on the importance of my relationship with God, not only am I humbled by his awesome presence, but I see his word differently.

For example, in reading the First Wednesday of Advent's Gospel according to Matthew (15:29-37), apart from learning something about a modern day approach to feeding the hungry (an entry for another day), I wondered, "What was the expectation of those who came to Jesus with their lame, blind, deformed, mute and many others?" Did they come thinking, "This is our only hope?" or wondering "Is there any hope?" Either way, they came to Jesus with their disabled. This awareness caused me to think how often I have been lame, blind, deformed, and mute in my own life, and how those disabilities can only be healed by coming to Jesus. When I have come to him, I have been amazed, as the scripture indicates were those who came to him, and I have found myself wanting to glorify "the God of Israel" but not knowing just how. Then, it came to me, God is glorified when his children acknowledge him, come to him, and live according to his will (no small task if one has a secular perspective).

This Advent, we all need to bring those aspects of our lives which are lame, blind, deformed and mute. As we do, we will be able to say of each other, "he cured them" and in our respective lives glorify him and draw others to faith.

Prayer on Thanksgiving Day

"Heavenly Father, this is the day set aside to give You thanks for Your surpassing goodness to human beings. You have created us in Your own image and set us over Your wonderful creation. You chose a people to be Your own and to carry Your message of salvation to all people. You carried out Your redemption in Jesus Your Son, and His saving fruits are passed on to every generation to all who believe that by His Death and Resurrection Jesus has given them a new freedom in His Spirit. Let me give You proper thanks for Your blessings - those I am aware of as well as those that I habitually take for granted. And let me learn to use them according to Your Will" (New Saint Joseph People's Prayer Book, p. 888).This prayer was a wonderful guide to me, my wife and children this Thanksgiving Day. We are fortunate for the work of saints who provide us these guides.May all fathers during this holiday season renew their relationships, and find an appropriate guide for their own spiritual growth.

C - First Step

My dearest, C.  How thrilling it was to see you take your first step this evening before bed, while in the room that you and your sister share.  Words fail me, as I see you grow so fast.  It seems that I go to work, come home, and you have grown, gained strength, grew another tooth, expressed a new sound, and today, took your first step.

As Father's Day approaches, I am reminded that how I feel is similar to how God feels about us as his children.  He so wants the best for us, yet allows us to grow, take our steps and determine our path with the grace He gives ever present to direct our path to him, who waits for us with open and loving arms.

My prayer is that I will be able to live up to my responsibility to be a good father to you.  And, support all your steps in life with as much love as I can learn from God.

Oh, congratulations, little one, my little "dewdrop" on your first step.  And, thank you, for saving it for me until I got home.

Love, Papa