Holiday Conflict and the Path to Healing from Domestic Violence

During this time of year, schedules can become more intense, though the children are not in school; budgets are challenged and we try to do more with less. Also, there are the important appeals from local and national organizations seeking assistance to help the needy, which may lead to a sense of feeling guilty for not being able to give more.


If a family was previously experiencing stress, the loss of a job, medical bills and concurrently dealing with alcohol or chemical dependence, or some mental or medical health challenge, then unmet expectations can increase the stress and result in spontaneous and unintentional abuse in the home. And, if abuse in the home was already an established pattern of interaction, then circumstances can get worse.  Perhaps you have a sister, brother, uncle, mother, father or friend who can use your assistance.

What’s the solution? Break the silence.

Whatever the circumstance, help is available and new coping strategies can be learned. More importantly, there is healing through Christ for all involved.  Imagine for a moment, experiencing for a loved one or friend the peace and healing Christ offers. Can you think of a better gift, than to bring someone aid and information?

Resources:

• To refer a friend (or to use for yourself) to his local priest for reconciliation and counseling, visit www.MassTimes.org. There it is easy to identify a local Catholic Church and contact information to schedule an appointment with a priest. Also, calling you local diocese and asking for a list of Catholic counseling services in the area is easy enough to accomplish;
• For our sisters and their children who are thankful for a day free of violence - Faith and Trust Institute;
• The Church on domestic violence - "Scripture leads to... equal dignity of men and women" (USCCB);
• Are you called to share with someone you know a path to freedom from violence? Learn to identify abuse in the home here;
• Be Still and Know, Stephen Curtis Chapman - Music for contemplation;
• Domestic Violence Recovery Books;
• Catholic counseling support;
• Getting help for a loved one or friend suffering from domestic violence - Video;
• 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) / 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7

+ Catholic Dads HQ - Faith formation is job #1 - Working toward "Strengthening: Heart, Soul and Mind" (sm) of Catholic dads, their families and communities everywhere (Mark 12:29-31)

Gifts to Our Children by Service to Our Neighbor

 

Give to Catholic World Mission

As we enter into the season of giving, you may have some interest in volunteering, or introducing a young person to this aspect of community-fellowship. The message from our Lord is clear and should touch the depth of our hearts, and can only be modeled for our young people to understand by what we do more than what we say about how giving is important in meeting the temporal needs of others, and eternal needs beyond what is immediately apparent.

This observation is nothing new as the following excerpts indicate from as far back as 1899 to "modern day" 1947":

"Education consists in preparing the moral character of a child, in teaching him the few fundamental invariable principles accepted in all the countries of the world. It consists in giving him, from tenderest childhood, the notion of human dignity" (Lecomte Du Nouy, 1947. Human Destiny, p. 208). 

"In a day when selfishness brings so many temptations, [the Bible] supplies us with information and knowledge of what God has done and can do with individuals and nations given over to His service...[The Bible]...will mean very little to the modern man unless he reads and hears and answers its challenge...." (Ted Evans, 1928. What Place Religion? p. 159). 

"...[W]hether the parent likes it or not, whether the parent knows it or not, whether the parent helps it, hinders it, or ignores it, the education of the unconscious is ever going on...The soul (unconsciously) observes and reflects and assimilates the countless products of nature and art which enter it. The result is formation of character, and all which we call life is impressed. The influences from without make a man what he is" (Alfred T. Schofield, 1899. The Unconscious Mind, p. 190).

As we consider the days ahead and the gifts we will exchange, wrapped in either the love shared at a special meal, giving aid to the homeless, or a favorite holiday paper, may we give a momentary thought to the gift we give our children wrapped in our actions on the value of human dignity served by our time and attention to those less fortunate.

Many blessing to each and everyone and may there be joy in every home and in the hearts of those you touch by your generosity.

Loving Nature, Loving You

I chose this piece, Flowers with Relaxation Music for my blog today, because my daughters and I love nature.

When we're together, they don't just smell the flowers, they pick them and give them away as gifts of love and affection.  Also, I know that my spending time with them, enjoying what brings them happiness, the standard begins to take form, as they learn about relationships.  For they will know, in love, we share with those what bring them happiness.

They remind me to embrace nature with all the senses, to draw the attention of others to it, and with love fear not giving nature and one's heart away, a gift that requires a lifetime of attention to its fragility.

"Thank you, my little ones, for the gifts you give.  ~ Love, Papa"


Image: Favorite flower of my youngest. Photo taken at Flower Frenzy - Florists, in Encinitas, CA

Veterans Day 2010

"November 11th is Veterans Day, a day to honor America's military Veterans. Since 1954, the Veterans Day National Committee has worked to ensure Veterans Day receives proper and widespread observance. Part of that outreach this year includes this video for students explaining how and why we honor Veterans, not just on Veterans Day, but year-round.  On the VA Veterans Day page you'll find not only this video but also Veterans Day History, local and national observances and resources to teach students the value of honoring our Veterans" (US Department of Veterans Affairs).

- TAPS - "Caring for the families of the fallen..."
- Taps Bugler on YouTube
- Taps Bugler

In addition to paying respect, we extend the honor deserved to those who have served and their families, by teaching our children to respect those who protect our county from all enemies foreign and domestic, and teaching them the freedoms we enjoy come at a high price. We can do no less than to instill this awareness of gratitude, which may well be the seed to courage (ECLD).

"O God, by whose mercy the faithful departed find rest, look kindly on your departed veterans who gave their lives in the service of their country. Grant that through the passion, death, and resurrection of your Son they may share in the joy of your heavenly kingdom and rejoice in you with your saints forever. We ask this through Christ our Lord" (Prayer for Deceased Veterans).

Resolving Conflict Between Kiddos Traveling 40 MPH

Invariably on any venture with kids, as with a lot of parents and ventures, wrinkles in the daily "plan" accumulate, especially if traffic begins to backup.

When that happens, one needs a little grace, St. Christopher and prayer to effectively and safely navigate down the highway, headed straight  for school, a play date, yogurt outing, shopping venture or bug hunt at the local park.  One too many red lights, and tensions rise.

You know what I mean.  You're sitting at the light, looking at your watch and then hear from the back seat little ones launch into "How much longer?"  "Are we there yet?" or "Papa, why is she staring at me?" Or, that one we all love, "I have to go pee again" (Wouldn't it make life a little easier if car seat companies had a fitted and pee resistant covers, just like we use for their beds?  But, I digress).  If you have had enough rest the night before (Yea, right), and plenty of coffee or diet-whatever, then these queries are effectively managed with a polite any one of the following canned comments:

• "Nope.  I'll let you know when we're there."
• "Nope, it will be just a little longer."
• "Hon, look out the window and let's see who can find the next sign with numbers."
• "Hang, in there, let me find a bookstore. Can you hang on?"  (Bookstores are harder to find, but they are the cleanest; and since my daughters loath gas stations, I know just about how long it takes to get to each bookstore from any particular intersection in our community).

If this is all you have to deal with before arriving at your destination, then you have literally "arrived" and a Snoopy dance or the latest dance step is in order.  Life is sweet and yes, there is a God who listens to St. Christopher.  Pause.  Wait a minute, life isn't so sweet all the time, is it?  Sometimes, St. Christopher and God have other designs and lessons to teach when kiddos get into it in the backseat.

Are you ready?  If your little ones begin lobbing stuffed animals at each other, or Lord forbid, take the last sticker from someone's new sticker / coloring book, and all heck is just about to be unleashed back there, under these circumstances, you've got little time to react.  Rather than trying to manage WWIII from the front seat of a war zone traveling at 40 MPH approaching a yellow light, take a deep breath and say, "Hey, guys.  I thought you were wanting to go to (Fill in the blank here).  Guess you are not ready, since you can't be nice to each other. Sooooo, we're pulling over and we are not going anywhere until you stop fighting and makeup."

Of course, for maximum effect, you'll want to (a) have practiced this with your colleagues and CEO and (b) keep your voice low, determined and just a little difficult to hear, James Bond style.  Start yelling, and you lose the full effect and beauty of this peace keeping mission (Don't forget to turn off the engine so you can then bask in peace a quiet).  I usually stay at the side of the road for about the number of minutes equal to the average of their ages.  And, just for grins, to ground myself, I adjust the rear view mirror and watch their little confused faces looking at each other, and without out a word, try to figure out, "What are we going to do?"  What was initially a potential conflict that could rival any, turns into three to four minutes of entertainment.

Now, I'm not kidding, the fist time I tried this little maneuver, the kids were in shock. Truth be told, I was, too.  The war stopped!  That's when I discovered, keep a child from her intended destination, and you will have her full attention and compliance.  After about two more trials of this, the mere threat of pulling over has resulted in nearly 99.99999% effectiveness.

My little ones are four and six years old.  So, I encourage you, try this in your home (I mean car), but keep in mind, this strategy to end conflict between older children, to my knowledge, has not been tried.  So be cautious!  In a few more years I will let you know how it goes.  But until then, let me know how your peace keeping mission turns out.

Active, Involved, Informed and Engaged: Dealing with Reproduction

Dealing with reproductive issues is a very sensitive issue and can make one or both spouses feel isolated and alone, unless they have exceptional communication skills and are mutually supportive of one another.  Post-Gazzete reports:

 "...infertile couples often break up because they can't talk about it in healthy ways. Men have a hard time talking about infertility, and their wives may conclude that they don't care because they don't talk about it, he said. Women, because they realize there is no one to blame for the problem, sometimes displace their anger about it onto other issues in the marriage, causing great friction" (Read more).

"The Pope Paul VI Institute is the only Catholic Institution of its type in the United States and perhaps the world that has dedicated its services to the development of morally and professionally acceptable reproductive health services. The Institute is nationally and internationally recognized for its major accomplishements, including the Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System (CrMS), the official language of a woman's health and fertility and the new women's health science, NaProTECHNOLOGY" (The Pope Paul VI Institute).

I wonder if men in fact do find it difficult to talk about with their wives?  If so, what makes that a difficult discussion?  I know there are as many reasons, as there are open hearts to the blessings of a child.  To my brothers, I'd suggest the easiest and first step woud be simply to get informed; and if a Catholc brother knows of another dealing with such burdens, it is a gift to share this information on The Pope Paul VI Institute, keep him (and his wife) in your prayers, and be there for support.  If you extend this gift of charity, who knows, you may become someone's uncle someday.

The Well of Consciences...How Deep is Your Well?

Fewer and fewer Catholic dads with young families seem to be actively involved in their local parish's community activities .  But is the well of conscience growing deeper, or more shallow among Catholic  dads?


Prior to March 2002, I like most obtained much of my political and general information from secular radio and T.V.  Of course, I talked with friends and family about their views, went to church and listened to what the priest had to say; and I relied heavily on my education to understand the "right thing to do". I wonder if you are the same way?

Little did I know my consciences wasn't as deep as I would like it to be to actively manage the complex moral and social issues our culture faces today; this was in part due to my lack of awareness and prior laziness many years ago.   No longer passive (a passive soldier is the best kind for evil to spread), I am much more active and informed to defend truth, the rights of the helpless, homeless, hungry and those marginalized. The Lord gained my attention through several life events I have faced throughout the course of my life, and I see there is so much yet to be done.  What about you, brother?  Are you actively engaged in your community?

As you consider the degree of your own involvement, here are resources to replenish what may be a well running dry.

A great downloadable resources entitled Forming Consciences for Faithful Citizenship, can be found at http://www.faithfulcitizenship.org/.

For documents from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, pertaining to Protecthing Human Life, you can go to CatholicDads.org and click on Pro-Life Updates for documents listed in alpha order. For a short video on clarifying the Catholic's responsibility, see Faithful Citizenship at The Catholic Life playlist (Youtube/CatholicDads).

Together, actively living and  spreading the Gospel, we contribute to the well of conscience that grows ever deeper, refreshed by our Lord's love to satisfy our thirst for life and truth, empowering one another to make a positive change in the communities in which we live.  So, how deep is your well?  Deep enough to make a difference in the lives of rich and poor?  In what way(s) will you make a positive change in your community today?

Got Rap? Our Pope does!

What do you get when you blend the commitment of a loving father with a simple desire of his children? You get creative ways to further enhance the relationship between them.

Similarly, I am pleased to see the Vatican creatively come up with a method for outreach to the young, by endorsing the group Ooberfüse, and their song, "Heart's Cry", which has been selected to represent (italics inserted) the Papal visit in the UK" (A rap is the soundtrack to the forthcoming visit of Pope to the United Kingdom, RomeReports.com, 2010-09-11-10:00).

Music is a universal means to stir the soul and this is a fantastic way to do just that, stir the soul for Christ!

Reflections of Faith

Catholic Dads Headquarters: Reflections of Faith: The soul of the Blessed Virgin Mary was the space from which God was able to gain access into humanity (Pope Benedict XVI). Today God welcomes on earth the holy throne which he had prepared for himself.  He who established the heavens in wisdom has fashioned a living heaven(Byzantine Liturgy, Adapted from Magnificat, The Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary, September 8, 2010).


On this special occasion, I am mindful of the interior disposition that gives rise to the beauty found in artistic expression, which is a simple, powerful, and yet an imperfect reflection of our Creator.  The images provided here (Reflections of Faith) have been a blessing in my life and I hope they will provide some enjoyment for you, and an encouragement to take note of all the beauty found in our respective places of worship and the places we share with each other.

Labor of Love

Catholic Dads HQ - On your side: The important role of today's Catholic dads cannot be overstated, when it comes to their responsibility for the temporal and spiritual well being of their children.

While Labor Day has been traditionally focused on the contributions made by workers to the well-being of our country, we cannot overlook the concurrent importance of a dad's "labor of love" for his children.

The cumulative contribution of modern day fathers to their children's lives is well documented in current literature and social services: "Fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home...Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring."   And, that importance is brought to life in popular media and underscored in our outreach. Catholic Dads HQ is committed this Labor Day and everyday to the proactive and effective involvement of Catholic dads in their children's lives.

This Labor Day, reflect on your "labor of love" and what new meaning it can have for you and your children.